张晓英：发现自己内心的焰火
发布时间：2016年09月07日
礼物
Present
写这篇文章，我觉得其实蛮有意义的，今天早上我的一个长江同学胡华过37岁的生日，没错，“早上过生日”。
I feel honored to write this essay as Hu Hua, our CKGSB alumni celebrates his 37th birthday this morning.
怎么过呢？
So, how should we celebrate?
我问他想要什么礼物？他说，“不用礼物，晓英姐，你只要陪我跑上37公里就可以了”。
I asked him what gift he wanted. He told me he didn't want a gift, instead he wanted me to do a 37 km run with him.
3年多前，他听过我一次第七届戈壁挑战赛的分享，我也鼓励他试试，“和戈壁去谈一场恋爱”，胡华参加了戈9，瘸着腿儿坚持下来了，感受很丰富，所以哪怕今天上海是37度的天气，我也照样陪伴他实现心愿，不得不说，早上4点钟的外滩可真美。
Three years ago, I shared my story of the 7th Gobi Challenge with him. I encouraged him to have a try - to go for a romance with Gobi. Then he joined 9th Gobi Challenge. He faced the challenge, but he hurt his legs. He was enriched by his experience. Now, I will definitely run with him even if it's in 37 degree Shanghai. Either way, the bund is very beautiful at 4:00 am.
这份礼物是不是很特别？
Isn’t that a special present?
其实，长跑也是我自己送给自己的礼物，7月31号我刚刚跑完旧金山马拉松，8月6号接着跑了崇礼100越野跑，9月还有柏林马拉松等着我。
Actually, running is the gift I gave myself: the SFO marathon on July 31st, the Chongli 100 km cross-country race on Aug. 6th, and so on. I finished so many.
是不是感觉我的生活里一个马拉松接着一个马拉松？其实人生也是如此啊。你内心的焰火被点燃了，人生就会进入不同的纬度。
Will you think my life is consisted of one marathon after another? Well, it’s how life goes—once the fire in your heart is lit, your life will be upgraded to another level.
我的办公室里挂着23块马拉松奖牌和一些越野赛事奖牌，12个全马，11个半马，我的目标是跑完100个。兴之所至，慢慢跑呗。当100枚世界各地的全马奖牌挂在墙上，感觉自己好富有啊。
In my office, there are 23 marathon medals and a few cross-country races, of which 12 are full marathons and 11 are half marathons. My goal is to complete 100 and I will take the time to reach it. I can imagine the pretty picture of 100 medals hanging in my office!
长跑，教会了我去体验过程的意义，从起点到终点之间的这个部分，才是最值得享受的。专注于脚下，并活在当下。
Long running teaches me to really feel the process and I enjoy every part, from beginning to end. I concentrate on the earth I step on, I live in the here and now!
长跑也教会我领略无常，每次跑步，你都不会知道遇见什么样的路况，遇到什么样的人，什么样的天气，毕竟要40多公里，每次路程都是全新的。每一次都是享受重新出发，享受完全的未知。
It also shows me uncertainty. Every time you run, you won't know the road conditions, the people or the weather until you've finished it. An over 40 km path is bran new to me every time! So, I enjoy every new start and uncertainty!
马拉松的过程就是坚持，人生也是如此啊，就像打通关，有时容易有时难，难的时候耐得住，容易的时候沉得住。
It’s called "will power" and like in life - one must go through every stage, no matter how easy or tough.
7月份的旧金山马拉松，是世界上排名15难的马拉松之一，有很多高高低低的坡，我跑到32公里的时候，忽然大腿抽筋了，这个也是完全没有预计的，所幸满志大哥帮我在跑道边的草地上做拉伸，接下去还是坚持跑完了最后的10公里。
The SFO marathon in July, one of the 15 most difficult in the world, is full of slopes with different heights. I had cramps at just 32km. I was all out of blue but I was lucky to have Manzhi to help me stretch before I finished the last 10 km.
这几年因缘际会，我每年有机会花10天时间去参加了“内观”的学习，我第一次去是马来西亚的内观中心，荒无人烟的小岛上，我心里也打鼓，不知道能不能坚持下来，10天里面完全禁语，完全不用手机、电脑，每天过午不食。
By chance, I came to participate in 'Vipassana’ for 10 days every year. My first encounter was in Malaysia, where I was put on a desolate island. I doubted whether I can finish that one. I was told to be completely silent, to have no access to cellphones and no food after lunch.
修心，是世界上最难的功课。我第一次上内观课，几乎没有学到任何东西。我会听葛印卡老师音频开示，但老师讲的内容其实都是一样的。第二次再去，我好像忽然明白了一些。我后来向一位助理老师请教，她说，“我们心里的那张白布，上面的脏东西太多了，洗完之后才能听得见。”所以，我坚持每天入睡前静坐禅修半小时，清除当天大量的信息和杂念，让心平静下来，放松满足地入睡。
Inner cultivation is the most difficult lesson in the world. It seemed like I didn't learn anything from the first day. Master Goenka played some audio for us and his lesson was the same. When I came the second time, I felt something. Later when I asked the assistant teacher, she said:” the white cloth in our heart cannot be heard until it is fully cleaned." So, I kept training for half an hour every day, to clean out all the information and distracting thoughts so I can sleep peacefully with a calm mind.
是啊，过去我们的日子过得有些过于疲于奔命了，总想和命运抗争，反而让自己更为紧绷和焦虑。我们每个人都会面对生老病死，面对执着挂碍和内心的冲突，这些问题其实和财富没有关系。内在的空虚，财富并帮不了你，宁静祥和才是真正的财富。
In the past, we fought to defeat our fate but it made us stressed and anxious. Every human will die with age or disease, and it has no relation to issues like inner conflict and wealth.
除了爱，其他都不过是行李
Besides love, everything else is nothing but luggage.
这些年，渐渐的，我发现自己对未知不那么担心和害怕了。可能这也是我为什么会规划人生另一次“马拉松”的原因吧。
During these years, I gradually noticed I didn't feel that worried about uncertainty. I think it was because of my life plans and my many marathon experiences.
今年9月跑完柏林马拉松之后，我会去剑桥大学访学一年的时间，暂别我已经打拼了19年的上海。
After the Berlin marathon, I will take one year to study at Cambridge University. I'll take a short leave from Shanghai, where I have been for over 19 years.
和我的同龄人相比，我相信这个年纪的我，眼睛里面是有光彩的。
Compared to my peers, I believe I have more.
虽然我也有顾虑，因为前面面临的都是不确定的因素，就好像公司的事务我也会放手一年，hold不hold得住？我其实也不知道。
Actually I'm not sure about leaving my team for a whole year as there will be so many uncertainties.
所以我也算是一个挺有勇气的人儿吧？
Aren’t I brave!
“我的妈妈是一个勇敢的人，她喜欢挑战各种极限。她是一个很能解决问题的人，她总是说方法总比问题多。”这是我女儿对我的评价，她写在作文里的，我看了之后既感动，也很感慨。
My mother is brave and she likes challenges. She is a true problem solver. She always said there are more solutions than problems. I put her remarks into my diary for enlightenment.
5年时间里，我已经连续去过8次戈壁了。其中，我带女儿去过三次，9岁，11岁，14岁。上个月，我刚刚带她穿越乌兰布和沙漠，也是送给她去美国纽约顶尖私立中学留学的“重要礼物”。一直希望她可以看到一个真正快乐的妈妈，一个内心鸟语花香的妈妈，一个不断挑战自己的妈妈，我觉得，这也许比给她房子，给她股票更有价值。很幸运的是，通过跑步和内观，我真正发现了自己内心的宝藏，每一天都发自内心的快乐和富足。
In the last 5 years, I faced 8 Gobi Challenges, three of which I took my daughter to when she was 9, 11 and 14. Last month, we went through the Ulan Buh Desert together. It was my most important present to her before she joins a top US private middle school. I always hoped she can perceive me as a real happy mother; a positive mother and a mother who always faces challenges. I strongly believe it is more important than giving her things like houses and stocks. Luckily, I found my inner treasure from running and neiguan, and I am content and enriched everyday.
我最近学到一句话，“这个世界除了爱，其他都不过是你人生的行李。”
Recently, I learnt one sentence “Except for love, everything else is nothing but luggage ”
不确定的未来
The uncertain future
我知道，就像在浦东机场和孩子挥手告别，仅仅是担心不能改变任何东西，我尝试把担心变成一种祝福。
At my daughter's farewell at Pudong international airport, I turned my worries into wishes.
9月到了，等着我的是另一个（柏林）马拉松，以及我人生马拉松的下一站（剑桥）。
Now it has come to September, Berlin and Cambridge are waiting for me.
对于在剑桥的课余时光，我已经规划好了，我打算参加著名的赛艇聚乐部，我还要学习油画和冲浪。哈哈，看到最后一项，可能你又感到吃惊了吧？
I have already made a plan for my leisure time when I am at Cambridge. I'll join the renowned yacht club and take time to learn oil painting and surfing! Are you surprised?
今年我去夏威夷跳伞，在海滩边，看到那些小麦色肤色的人，到处都是冲浪板。这种风光和我们过去常常见到的湖光山色的风光，格局是很不同的。
I parachuted in Hawaii this summer and saw so many people surfing when I walked on the beach. It's such a different experience from just looking at photos!
正好在去夏威夷之前，我女儿给我推荐了一部电影叫《灵魂冲浪者Soul Surfer》，当时在海边就很有感触。
I recommend my daughter a movie called Soul Surfer before I went to Hawaii and I had so much thoughts and feelings when I truly walked on the beach.
我发觉我很喜欢面朝大海的这种感觉，等待海浪一波一波地过来。捕捉、等待海浪的过程，是非常美妙的，因为它不确定，也就像人生，每一层浪翻卷回去都是一次铺垫，等待着不确定的未来，而彼岸永远能看到我内心的焰火。
I am so enchanted by the feeling of facing the ocean with waves coming at me! It is so wonderful to wait and capture the moments of them coming. Just like our lives, every wave becomes a cushion for the next one, waiting for the uncertain future. And yet, I can always feel the fire in my heart!
发现自己内心的焰火
I found the fire in my heart .
Present
写这篇文章，我觉得其实蛮有意义的，今天早上我的一个长江同学胡华过37岁的生日，没错，“早上过生日”。
I feel honored to write this essay as Hu Hua, our CKGSB alumni celebrates his 37th birthday this morning.
怎么过呢？
So, how should we celebrate?
我问他想要什么礼物？他说，“不用礼物，晓英姐，你只要陪我跑上37公里就可以了”。
I asked him what gift he wanted. He told me he didn't want a gift, instead he wanted me to do a 37 km run with him.
3年多前，他听过我一次第七届戈壁挑战赛的分享，我也鼓励他试试，“和戈壁去谈一场恋爱”，胡华参加了戈9，瘸着腿儿坚持下来了，感受很丰富，所以哪怕今天上海是37度的天气，我也照样陪伴他实现心愿，不得不说，早上4点钟的外滩可真美。
Three years ago, I shared my story of the 7th Gobi Challenge with him. I encouraged him to have a try - to go for a romance with Gobi. Then he joined 9th Gobi Challenge. He faced the challenge, but he hurt his legs. He was enriched by his experience. Now, I will definitely run with him even if it's in 37 degree Shanghai. Either way, the bund is very beautiful at 4:00 am.
这份礼物是不是很特别？
Isn’t that a special present?
其实，长跑也是我自己送给自己的礼物，7月31号我刚刚跑完旧金山马拉松，8月6号接着跑了崇礼100越野跑，9月还有柏林马拉松等着我。
Actually, running is the gift I gave myself: the SFO marathon on July 31st, the Chongli 100 km cross-country race on Aug. 6th, and so on. I finished so many.
是不是感觉我的生活里一个马拉松接着一个马拉松？其实人生也是如此啊。你内心的焰火被点燃了，人生就会进入不同的纬度。
Will you think my life is consisted of one marathon after another? Well, it’s how life goes—once the fire in your heart is lit, your life will be upgraded to another level.
我的办公室里挂着23块马拉松奖牌和一些越野赛事奖牌，12个全马，11个半马，我的目标是跑完100个。兴之所至，慢慢跑呗。当100枚世界各地的全马奖牌挂在墙上，感觉自己好富有啊。
In my office, there are 23 marathon medals and a few cross-country races, of which 12 are full marathons and 11 are half marathons. My goal is to complete 100 and I will take the time to reach it. I can imagine the pretty picture of 100 medals hanging in my office!
长跑教会我领略无常
Lessons from long running
Lessons from long running
长跑，教会了我去体验过程的意义，从起点到终点之间的这个部分，才是最值得享受的。专注于脚下，并活在当下。
Long running teaches me to really feel the process and I enjoy every part, from beginning to end. I concentrate on the earth I step on, I live in the here and now!
长跑也教会我领略无常，每次跑步，你都不会知道遇见什么样的路况，遇到什么样的人，什么样的天气，毕竟要40多公里，每次路程都是全新的。每一次都是享受重新出发，享受完全的未知。
It also shows me uncertainty. Every time you run, you won't know the road conditions, the people or the weather until you've finished it. An over 40 km path is bran new to me every time! So, I enjoy every new start and uncertainty!
马拉松的过程就是坚持，人生也是如此啊，就像打通关，有时容易有时难，难的时候耐得住，容易的时候沉得住。
It’s called "will power" and like in life - one must go through every stage, no matter how easy or tough.
7月份的旧金山马拉松，是世界上排名15难的马拉松之一，有很多高高低低的坡，我跑到32公里的时候，忽然大腿抽筋了，这个也是完全没有预计的，所幸满志大哥帮我在跑道边的草地上做拉伸，接下去还是坚持跑完了最后的10公里。
The SFO marathon in July, one of the 15 most difficult in the world, is full of slopes with different heights. I had cramps at just 32km. I was all out of blue but I was lucky to have Manzhi to help me stretch before I finished the last 10 km.
这几年因缘际会，我每年有机会花10天时间去参加了“内观”的学习，我第一次去是马来西亚的内观中心，荒无人烟的小岛上，我心里也打鼓，不知道能不能坚持下来，10天里面完全禁语，完全不用手机、电脑，每天过午不食。
By chance, I came to participate in 'Vipassana’ for 10 days every year. My first encounter was in Malaysia, where I was put on a desolate island. I doubted whether I can finish that one. I was told to be completely silent, to have no access to cellphones and no food after lunch.
修心，是世界上最难的功课。我第一次上内观课，几乎没有学到任何东西。我会听葛印卡老师音频开示，但老师讲的内容其实都是一样的。第二次再去，我好像忽然明白了一些。我后来向一位助理老师请教，她说，“我们心里的那张白布，上面的脏东西太多了，洗完之后才能听得见。”所以，我坚持每天入睡前静坐禅修半小时，清除当天大量的信息和杂念，让心平静下来，放松满足地入睡。
Inner cultivation is the most difficult lesson in the world. It seemed like I didn't learn anything from the first day. Master Goenka played some audio for us and his lesson was the same. When I came the second time, I felt something. Later when I asked the assistant teacher, she said:” the white cloth in our heart cannot be heard until it is fully cleaned." So, I kept training for half an hour every day, to clean out all the information and distracting thoughts so I can sleep peacefully with a calm mind.
是啊，过去我们的日子过得有些过于疲于奔命了，总想和命运抗争，反而让自己更为紧绷和焦虑。我们每个人都会面对生老病死，面对执着挂碍和内心的冲突，这些问题其实和财富没有关系。内在的空虚，财富并帮不了你，宁静祥和才是真正的财富。
In the past, we fought to defeat our fate but it made us stressed and anxious. Every human will die with age or disease, and it has no relation to issues like inner conflict and wealth.
除了爱，其他都不过是行李
Besides love, everything else is nothing but luggage.
这些年，渐渐的，我发现自己对未知不那么担心和害怕了。可能这也是我为什么会规划人生另一次“马拉松”的原因吧。
During these years, I gradually noticed I didn't feel that worried about uncertainty. I think it was because of my life plans and my many marathon experiences.
今年9月跑完柏林马拉松之后，我会去剑桥大学访学一年的时间，暂别我已经打拼了19年的上海。
After the Berlin marathon, I will take one year to study at Cambridge University. I'll take a short leave from Shanghai, where I have been for over 19 years.
和我的同龄人相比，我相信这个年纪的我，眼睛里面是有光彩的。
Compared to my peers, I believe I have more.
虽然我也有顾虑，因为前面面临的都是不确定的因素，就好像公司的事务我也会放手一年，hold不hold得住？我其实也不知道。
Actually I'm not sure about leaving my team for a whole year as there will be so many uncertainties.
所以我也算是一个挺有勇气的人儿吧？
Aren’t I brave!
“我的妈妈是一个勇敢的人，她喜欢挑战各种极限。她是一个很能解决问题的人，她总是说方法总比问题多。”这是我女儿对我的评价，她写在作文里的，我看了之后既感动，也很感慨。
My mother is brave and she likes challenges. She is a true problem solver. She always said there are more solutions than problems. I put her remarks into my diary for enlightenment.
5年时间里，我已经连续去过8次戈壁了。其中，我带女儿去过三次，9岁，11岁，14岁。上个月，我刚刚带她穿越乌兰布和沙漠，也是送给她去美国纽约顶尖私立中学留学的“重要礼物”。一直希望她可以看到一个真正快乐的妈妈，一个内心鸟语花香的妈妈，一个不断挑战自己的妈妈，我觉得，这也许比给她房子，给她股票更有价值。很幸运的是，通过跑步和内观，我真正发现了自己内心的宝藏，每一天都发自内心的快乐和富足。
In the last 5 years, I faced 8 Gobi Challenges, three of which I took my daughter to when she was 9, 11 and 14. Last month, we went through the Ulan Buh Desert together. It was my most important present to her before she joins a top US private middle school. I always hoped she can perceive me as a real happy mother; a positive mother and a mother who always faces challenges. I strongly believe it is more important than giving her things like houses and stocks. Luckily, I found my inner treasure from running and neiguan, and I am content and enriched everyday.
我最近学到一句话，“这个世界除了爱，其他都不过是你人生的行李。”
Recently, I learnt one sentence “Except for love, everything else is nothing but luggage ”
不确定的未来
The uncertain future
我知道，就像在浦东机场和孩子挥手告别，仅仅是担心不能改变任何东西，我尝试把担心变成一种祝福。
At my daughter's farewell at Pudong international airport, I turned my worries into wishes.
9月到了，等着我的是另一个（柏林）马拉松，以及我人生马拉松的下一站（剑桥）。
Now it has come to September, Berlin and Cambridge are waiting for me.
对于在剑桥的课余时光，我已经规划好了，我打算参加著名的赛艇聚乐部，我还要学习油画和冲浪。哈哈，看到最后一项，可能你又感到吃惊了吧？
I have already made a plan for my leisure time when I am at Cambridge. I'll join the renowned yacht club and take time to learn oil painting and surfing! Are you surprised?
今年我去夏威夷跳伞，在海滩边，看到那些小麦色肤色的人，到处都是冲浪板。这种风光和我们过去常常见到的湖光山色的风光，格局是很不同的。
I parachuted in Hawaii this summer and saw so many people surfing when I walked on the beach. It's such a different experience from just looking at photos!
正好在去夏威夷之前，我女儿给我推荐了一部电影叫《灵魂冲浪者Soul Surfer》，当时在海边就很有感触。
I recommend my daughter a movie called Soul Surfer before I went to Hawaii and I had so much thoughts and feelings when I truly walked on the beach.
我发觉我很喜欢面朝大海的这种感觉，等待海浪一波一波地过来。捕捉、等待海浪的过程，是非常美妙的，因为它不确定，也就像人生，每一层浪翻卷回去都是一次铺垫，等待着不确定的未来，而彼岸永远能看到我内心的焰火。
I am so enchanted by the feeling of facing the ocean with waves coming at me! It is so wonderful to wait and capture the moments of them coming. Just like our lives, every wave becomes a cushion for the next one, waiting for the uncertain future. And yet, I can always feel the fire in my heart!
发现自己内心的焰火
I found the fire in my heart .
*感谢Benben翻译
*文章作者：张晓英
*责任编辑：罗宏军
*文章作者：张晓英
*责任编辑：罗宏军
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